I actually read this a while ago (prior to having my daughter back in April) but forgot to review it on Goodreads for some reason. This is a bit long, but with all of the nonsense written about this book online, I wanted to be thorough.
Unlike many people, I didn’t grow up hearing about this book. In fact, I grew up on the opposite end of the parenting spectrum. Most of the people I knew were very into more of an attachment parenting style.
I googled this book before I read it and was told it would be a child torture manual. The reality was pretty anticlimactic, to say the least.
99% of Babywise (at least the later editions, I’ve never read the original printing version) consists ofbasic common sense advice. Not only is leaving your baby to starve and scream for hours (something I was quite sure had to be in there, with how people were discussing it online) absent, “Cry it out” is barely mentioned. Theonly thing I can think of is a throwaway statement that a little crying won’t hurt your baby, which, of course, it won’t. This book isn’t particularly PC, and could offend you if you’re more of the attachment parenting persuasion, but I think that taking any parenting book too personally is a bad idea.
There are a lot of good ideas in here, but the most important takeaway is the idea of an “eat, wake, sleep” routine.
This has been an absolute game-changer compared to my first child. Even if you don’t feel like reading the book, or you have read it and hated it, I would advise any mother I know to give “EWS” a chance.
There’s also a general ethos to both this book and Babywise II (which is much shorter, but still enjoyable) that I strongly agree with and that I wish was more mainstream in our modern parenting discourse. To sum it up bluntly: your child is not the center of the world.Your child is part of a family. Your child is born into an existing marriage (hopefully) and perhaps already has a sibling. All of these people matter, and caring for their needs (and your own!) remains valid even if you have a baby. The book acknowledges that baby needs come first, of course, but it does not give the usual guilt trip wherein baby needs are conflated with “what baby would find ideal, 100% of the time”.
That said, there are parts of this book I ignore entirely, especially sleep advice that’s not really up to date.
There are questionable statements in regard to things like using crib bumpers or blankets or putting baby to sleep on tummy (I don’t think they directly suggest doing this, but I can’t remember the wording). I’m really cautious with sleep safety and I think that some of the editions lack information.
I also ignore a fair amount of breastfeeding advice, especially things like “use a breast pump to see how much milk you’re producing” (this is a terrible measure of milk production, a pump =/= a baby). I also have already nursed my first child for nearly 2 years, so I kind of skimmed over those sections.
I also plan to do “baby led weaning” like I did with my first and skip purees almost entirely, so I skimmed that section in Babywise II.
With any parenting book, you could face problems if you treat it like the Bible. I find this book EXTREMELY valuable as a guide, but as the authors acknowledge, your instincts and knowledge as a mother are paramount.
The “controversy” surrounding Babywise is pretty flimsy, in my opinion.
The basic charge is that the AAP claimed Babywise causes failure to thrive, which is at best deeply misleading and at worst a flat-out fabrication. On its face, I find the idea that having a baby on a routine would inherently lead to failure to thrive pretty ridiculous. Preemies in the NICU are put on a routine, yet you expect me to believe that full-term healthy infants will fade away if placed on one?
My daughter has been on the low end of the growth curve her entire life. She was always VERY sleepy as a newborn. Had I rigidly “fed on cue” and not fed or attempted to feed her every two hours, she may have had genuine issues gaining weight (my fully demand-fed firstborn also wouldn’t even latch initially and was extremely tired for weeks, too). She was clearly not able to communicate her needs very well for the first month or more of life.
You may say, “Who would take feeding on demand that literally? That’s just incompetent parenting.”I agree. I feel the same way about schedules/routines, including Babywise!
It’s a guide – not a rule book. I’m ultimately in charge of doing whatever my child needs.
My older child was fed on demand, bed shared until 11 months old, nursed to sleep, and so forth. He’s also a happy, healthy kid. If that parenting style works for you, go for it. Who cares what Gary Ezzo has to say.
If, however, your current parenting is not working (or even not working in this season of your life!), it’s okay to explore other ideas. I think this book is a really solid read, even if I don’t follow everything in it exactly.
You can grab your own copy HERE. As an Amazon associate, I earn from qualifying purchases. =)
